rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
