You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
