dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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