i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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