Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
