i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
