This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
