she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
