I just cut my nipple shaving
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
