Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
