i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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