I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
