I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
