And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
