I'm really into asian looking animals
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
