So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
