Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
