Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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