need another drink. this is the easiest way
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
