i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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