Will you blow on my dice?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You took a bar mat shot.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
