He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
