he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
