my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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