I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
