Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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