he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
why is half of my head shaved?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
