i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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