so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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