there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
