Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I deserve this hangover.
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