New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
