wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
