I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
