it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
