I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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