My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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