So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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