I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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