Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
