When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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