he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
