She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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