I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
