I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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