Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
