i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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