This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
