Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize