I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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