whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
