You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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