I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
