I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
