C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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