Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
