I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
