I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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