He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
