Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
