i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
