I wanna passion pit in your ass
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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