do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
