Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
