he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The beer is more important than you right now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
